4 Ways Social Media Can Make You Feel Like a Bad Parent!

 

Over 1.28 billion people use Facebook monthly. I’m part of the 1.28 billion. Having said that, as soon as I knew I was giving birth, I couldn’t wait to announce it to my friends and family. I didn’t get all fancy or creative, as you can see, but nevertheless, friends and family showed their excitement by liking my status and leaving comments. We were elated.

Fast forward to April 21, 2014, and we also announced the birth of our baby boy via social media. It was well received. To me, this is the purpose of Facebook. We can share our joyous moments and keep up with friends and family.

Facebook also has a downside, and for a mother of a colicky baby, I have had to steer clear of some social media simply because it can leave me feeling as if I’m the cause of all of my problems. So, I devised a list of 4 ways that social media can make you feel like a bad parent.

1. Everyone has a happy baby! Everyone posts pictures of how happy their baby is, meanwhile, you’re wondering what happened to yours. I know that holds true for me. Many of my Facebook friends had babies around the same time as me. My baby rarely smiles, and I work hard to grab a few smiles from him each day. They usually roll in around 7am when he first wakes up and then, we mostly get frowns for the remainder of the day. If you see a smiley post with Carter in it, I worked hard for that picture and I’m super proud of it.

2. Everyone has an opinion! Opinions about how to raise a child are everywhere. Do I breastfeed or formula feed? Do I co-sleep or does he sleep in his own crib? Do I vaccinate or not? Circumcise or not? Let him cry it out or run to his every need? Do I start solids at 6 months or is food before one just for fun? Cloth diaper or disposable? Baby wear or stroller? The list goes on an on. Needless to say, no matter what you choose, someone else has an opinion that differs from yours, and some people can be downright ruthless when stating what they feel is best. My theory is that I’m perfectly made to be the mother of my child, and that is what I’m going to do. I will educate myself on what I find to be best and then do what works. Every baby is different. My baby isn’t the happy smiley baby that everyone posts, therefore, I’ve had to try many different theories to get him to his happy place.

3. People love to brag! Who doesn’t love to brag on their kids? I mean, when they do something awesome, we want the world to know, right? I agree with that, to an extent, but there are always parents out there struggling with the same milestone another just met. I will admit, while dealing with reflux and colic, I have been jealous of the mom that boasts that her 10 week old is sleeping 10 hours straight, or I’ve been jealous of the mom that has a baby that “rarely cries” and calls their baby a “good” baby. Does that mean mine is “bad” by chance? Some women love to take full credit for their “good” baby and for a mom with a grumpy pants, it can leave me feeling like I’ve done something to cause this. I have to remind myself that I am doing my very best, and that I am a good mom even when I end many days feeling defeated.

4. Everyone shows everything they’re doing with their kids! I do a lot with my 6 year old. It has been tough having a cranky baby, but I make every effort to continue life as it was prior to his birth. It’s not my older child’s fault that he has a brother that cries a lot. Having said that, mom’s post all of their vacations, craft projects, extracurricular activities, and more. I admit, I have been that mom, but now that I can’t be that mom as much as I was, it can really leave me feeling down. It’s hard to divide time between two kids, and it’s even harder when one of them demands most of my time. I have to remember that this will pass and eventually, we will be back on track.

Social media in moderation, can be a happy place and I love using it to reconnect and keep up with everyone! I also have learned that my comment isn’t always necessary, and that no matter what anyone posts, we can truly never tell what goes on when the camera isn’t watching and the computer is off. We can’t compare ourselves to others because we are all different. We all have different styles as parents and different ways of handling things. As moms, we need to lend out a hand and be there for each other, instead of nitpicking ways that the other mom is doing it wrong. Just think, that mom could be at her wits end, and need your help instead of a list of why she may be doing things wrong. No matter the style, we’re all parents that want the best for our children.

 

Silent Reflux

Yesterday, we celebrated the 4th of July! Luckily it was my husband’s day off, and I look forward to that day every week. It is difficult being home with two kids, but it is even more difficult with a baby that cries most of the day. It can wear you down, work your core, and leave you physically and emotionally exhausted. So, on the one or two days a week that my husband is home, I secretly celebrate knowing that I’ll have two extra hands to help me out.

Of course, Carter was a grump as usual. Here is a cute little pic to show how he felt about celebrating our Independence Day.

 

 

Around Carter’s 4th week of life, we took another trip to the doctor. After Carter cried for 4 hours straight one morning, we took him in to be “checked out.” Both my husband and I were convinced that he was in pain and that nobody would just cry for that long without falling asleep. We walked in that office feeling defeated, helpless yet eager to hear answers. Our pediatrician wasn’t available and we saw the nurse practitioner. Of course, Carter was sleeping when we arrived, because car rides do that to him. The key is to drive 40mph. Anything less than 40mph and he’s awake and screaming. Once he’s really asleep, he’ll stay that way for awhile. The nurse practitioner examined him and said, “I can’t find a thing wrong with him.” I slumped down and said, “I knew that was what you were going to say.” 

For about 30 seconds, she stared at me, my husband and then back down at the baby. I could tell her wheels were turning and that deep down, she really wanted to help us. Then she asked, “Does he burp easily after a feeding?” I told her that it was really hard to burp him, and that sometimes he wouldn’t burp at all. She continued by asking if he spit up a lot. I told her that he rarely spit up. She asked if he was fussy during feedings in which I told her yes. At this point, I was mostly breastfeeding, and he would fight me non-stop to feed and often he would want to be fed every 20-30 minutes. She paused again, and finally said, I think he may have silent reflux. She explained that it was different than typical acid reflux because babies don’t spit up. Basically, gas gets trapped sort of like indigestion and they can’t get it up which causes them to be irritable while eating and after a feeding. She asked if we were ok with medication and at this point, we would try anything they offered. She put him on a low dose of zantac and we left, hoping to have solved the problem.

From that day, we started a journey of trial and error with many different things we researched. I will write about those things individually as it is easier to focus on one topic at a time. Eventually, I plan to get up to date to where we are now in this journey, and hope that these notes will help document events that can help me to find patterns that are successful. 

Tonight, we will head to a cookout to celebrate, as Hurricane Arthur rained on our parade. I do not stay in the house. I take my cranky pants out in public for all to see. I continue to live my life. The theory, “It takes a village to raise a child,” holds true. I find it much easier to be around others, as they are a set of hands to help when I need it. I’ve learned that people do want to help, you just can’t be too prideful to ask. It’s one day at a time, an uphill battle of sorts, but each day is one step closer to the goal.

“Bundle of Joy”

As I write this, I’m staring at my sleeping 10 week old “bundle of joy.” He’s rocking in his swing and for the first time today, there is silence. It is 2:30pm, and at any moment, my beautiful sleeping angel will awake and break the silence with endless cries. Yes, my baby is a cranky pants. He’s a 10 week old, 10.5 pound fire cracker, waiting for the right moment to explode.

Let me introduce you to Carter. Carter is my second child. My oldest, Cameron is 6 years old and it has been many years since I had a newborn in my home. I knew there would be an “adjustment” period so when my husband and I brought Carter home, we expected crying, sleepless nights and a transition in our routine. We never really thought about the “unexpected” until it slapped us in the face day in and day out.

By Carter’s 2 week checkup, we knew something was wrong. The “unexpected” surrounded us. We explained to the pediatrician that Carter cried all day and night. We told her that we fed him regularly, changed him, and burped him and that wasn’t enough. We told her that we held him, rocked him, bounced him, and swaddled him and that wasn’t enough. We told her that we used white noise, adjusted the thermostat, and wore him in an infant carrier and that wasn’t enough. We were beyond exhausted and had no clue what to do. Her response, “Colic.”

I had heard of colic from friends and family. I had read about colic briefly and overlooked it because I didn’t think I would ever have to worry with it. The doctor explained it as an “adjustment” period. Babies sometimes need more time adjusting to the world after being in a “perfect environment” for 9 months. She said give it 12 weeks and we should see a difference.

12 weeks? That seemed like an eternity. How could she possibly think just waiting this out was the answer? How could she just throw it off as “adjustment issues” and let me walk out of the door. What if the crying was pain related? Was my baby in pain? How could I help him? How could we stay sane? What about our 6 year old son and his “adjustment issues” with his new cranky brother?

So, we left with “colic” as our answer and began our journey to make Carter a happy baby. Through these entries, I hope to help others find a sense of peace. I want to document our journey so I can remember these moments. Although they may not be the happiest days of my life, it is the hand that I’ve been dealt and I want to cherish them for what they are. I also want others to read this and know that if you have a baby like mine, you’re not alone. It’s a one day at a time, step by step process full of trial and error. At the end of the day, I love my grumpy baby more than life itself and I am sure that these moments serve a greater purpose in both of our lives.